Thoughts from the Back Porch: Back to School

I've begun my 36th new school year and have had an opportunity to reflect on the transformation from my first year as an SLP in 1983 to today.  The arc of my life has been huge and I suppose that is a wonderful thing. I mean, who wants a life that remains stagnant? My final summer post is a simple share of some of the lessons I've learned, lessons that have improved my happiness and relationships.  In sharing, I hope you are able to find among these words one or two chestnuts that you can apply to your own life. It may just be the thing you need.

As you may have read, my husband and I have joined the ranks of the empty nester set.  I haven't embraced this happily, in fact it has been very hard for me and I find the hole left in our home to be akin to the Grand Canyon. I've been thinking about all the things I thought were a big deal while the kids were little and I was juggling motherhood, volunteerism, and a career and I sure do wish I had let more things go. I wish I had not flipped over laundry not in hampers or counters not wiped to my exacting standards. I wish I had said, "No," to early morning meetings scheduled on my time that required us to rush and leave our home in a flurry of frustration. I could have, I should have placed a premium on our time over my job. It's too late now. Now I'm left with memories of me being stressed. Folks, take it from me, if we allow employers to dictate our personal time, they will. So, I would encourage you then to have the courage to say, "This doesn't work for me. Would you consider finding another time?" You won't regret it.

Now for the transformation bit. I have always been a seeker and as a result I am in a perpetual state of searching. The upside is, I often find answers, solutions, resolution, and clarity. I have searched in some pretty wacky places, too.   I’ve explored Forum whereby you can “live an extraordinary life and redefine the very nature of what’s possible.” Ummmm, in just three days, mind you. Fortunately, I never followed through with that one. I was blessed with a UTI and had to cancel. Dodged that bullet!

The best was the energy workshop. At that one I was asked if I wanted to know how many alien implants I had in me. That was followed by whether I wanted to know how many implants were supposed to be in me, their host. By all means, please, tell me how many aliens are living within me, maybe that will explain my weight. I am eating for twelve! With a finger flick and a wave a fellow participant removed the alien implants that needed to reconnoiter with the mothership. I almost lost it when the presenter informed me that, yes, in fact, the x-files are real! Sweet mother of science, all I wanted at that moment was a close encounter with an earthling. Clearly, I am a seeker, I seek transformation, but change happens organically. It doesn’t start, then stop, it’s more fluid; sometimes trickling other times surging. Where I am today I can definitively say, “You’re right, God, I am destined to do more than I thought possible.”

One weekend in 2014 I was planning to attend a weekend workshop that had been recommended by an individual I trusted implicitly. The website got me: “Are you willing to be an empowered human being?” YES! 

Do you want to “eradicate your mind of generated fears while empowering your creative self expression, authenticity, connection, and aliveness?” YES, whatever aliveness is. 

“Are you still looking for the success you feel you deserve?" YES! 

"Do you see negative patterns affecting your relationships with loved ones?"  YESSSSS!! 

"Has the realization of your supposed goals in life, career and marriage left you unsatisfied?” YES, YES, YES!!! 

I’m in! I paid my $400.00, I packed my bag, I filled my cooler, and I was off! Woohoo, healing here I come! After six hours I was running for the door! The next morning roughly 20 insights came to mind and those insights were the impetus for the transformation that I live today. They are the source of my relationships with family, friends and colleagues. Here you go. Take what you want, mull over the rest, or stop reading now, although I do hope you read on.

1. I don’t have to have a breakdown to have a breakthrough. 
2. Often those who profess to hold all the answers demonstrate, practice, and exhibit the same “flaws” they point out in others. I am really okay. I am loved. I am valued. I am appreciated, by God, by my friends, and by my family.
3. I love who I am! 
4. Often those who profess to want to help are hiding behind their altruism. Beware of collusion.
5. I am powerful. 
6. I love who God created me to be. 
7. I love my husband. 
8. I love my children. 
9. I feel a peace and purpose in my life. 
10. I feel a patience I haven’t known. 
11. I feel forgiveness for those in my past who had a hand in my trauma. It all really doesn’t matter. 
12. I am powerfully in love with God who has blessed me with these insights. 
13. I don’t have to do it all. I only have to do what matters. 
14. Many will spin a situation to substantiate their design. 
15. Many will make judgments without the facts and present them as truths. That’s their interpretation of the truth. Remain grounded in what's healthy for the mind, body, and soul. 
16. The people you think you can trust will not be there if they are challenged, afraid, or want to preserve their agenda. Trust God. Lean on him, not man. 
17. I am loved by the King of the Universe. What do I fear? Nothing! 
18. I can be wrong; whatever! 
19. My husband means more to me than anyone. 
20. I don't need to search any further than my faith. Anything else is a wolf in sheep's clothing. Stay grounded.
21. Group think is dangerous and disconcerting.
22. I let go. I am free!

I am telling you, that at that point while I was a believer I was not willing to give all of myself to his work. I was not willing to give up who I wanted to be and that is where my anxiety came from. My anxiety stemmed from my resistance to being all that I could be. I could transform to a point, but I still wanted to be accepted by others and conformed by their standards. I now understand that I had to yield to what I have been designed to be. I had to transform into what I have been designed to be. I want to share all of me without fearing my inadequacies, my self-doubt, my concerns with what others will think.

I am entering this new school year empowered like no year before. I don't fear what I might be asked to do. I am transformed with courage and strength. My encouragement comes in knowing I am not alone and would never be asked to do more than what I am capable of doing. It will be a good year. I am sure there will be difficult days, with difficult situations and difficult people. Difficult days don't mean I have to dive in headlong into the drama, it doesn't mean I have to collude. I can practice my "art of the pause," breathe and behave in a reasonable fashion acting as someone who has done this for 35 years. Yes, there will be difficult days, but they don't stop the clock, tomorrow will arrive. Then we have a chance to start again knowing who we are and living as those who accept who we are designed to be. Have a wonderful school year!

My last shots of summer...

Thoughts from the Back Porch: Summer Wrap-up

I've dedicated a couple of posts to our impending "empty nest." Here we are one week from the day we drop Mack off at school and I'm astounded by how quickly the summer has passed. When I was a teen, adults frequently remarked that time would seem to fly, so hold on to my youthful days. Hindsight is twenty twenty and I finally understand what they meant! I am returning to work next Tuesday.

My summer hasn't been all angst, however. In fact, there were days of hikes, gardening, kayaking, exercise, ASHA Connect, and reading on the porch. I also worked! For the first time in many years I provided speech-language therapy for students receiving extended school year services. It was really fun because I used all my ocean theme materials. I typically don't have enough time in June to use those particular materials. I thought it would be a nice idea to actually share some SLP related content (it's about time).

My perfect Pinnacle pepper.

As usual, I'm grateful for my pack rat mentality. I have repurposed so many of our children's toys for speech-language therapy that it has become easy to find items related to most any theme. The first item I dove for was Nora's felt board. We have a wonderful collection of "felt kids." I don't know if that particular brand is still available, but there are many other suitable brands. The therapy applications are plentiful, including following directions, basic concepts, vocabulary, narrative development, and sentence formulation and expansion.

I also have a wonderful magnetic fishing game that belonged to Mack. This wooden toy has numbers on one side and corresponding dots on the other. Remarkably, I'm only missing the number six fish. I taped cards to the fish as simple reinforcement. We used the dots on the fish for pacing multisyllabic words, too. I photo copied the dot sides of the fish, laminated, and cut them out and used paper clips to attach cards for the magnetic fishing pole.

I made some targets for use with my shark popper. I used the targets alone and with "speech targets" specific for each student.

Of course...books. What skill can't be addressed with books? Old School Speech has a wonderful book companion for Nugget and Fang that the children really enjoyed.

I have some super fun suction cup balls similar to these. We use them to pitch balls at targets on the whiteboard and laminated surfaces. I was able to enlarge this graphic using a free website called Block Posters. It is incredibly easy, if you don't mind cutting and pasting. I used dry erase markers to write points as well as words for articulation practice, vocabulary, etc.

I forgot to take a picture of Mack's awesome shark. When the fin on this baby is pushed, the jaw closes and can pick up small items. I used this with my mini objects for categorization, multisyllabic word practice, attribute identification, vocabulary, following directions and more. For simple and fun reinforcement I whipped up ocean-themed dot pages, used Putting Words in Your Mouth's Quick Drill Hungry, Hungry Sharky and Shark Biggy Mouth clip art from P4 Trioriginals. I love this clip art and use it all year long. It's nice to use simple reinforcement activities some days.

Whelp, soon I'll be in BTS mode and thinking of apples, leaves, and pirates. Stay tuned for more fun theme-based therapy ideas. I hope your back to school adjustment is seamless.

Thoughts from the Back Porch; Feathering the Empty Nest #2

Last week I began sharing how my life is quickly changing as our children move to increased independence and adulthood. Yes, it is an emotional rollercoaster, but it also has been fun. I have learned some very practical lessons. For instance, Nora is an amazing example of stewardship of the Earth. She has encouraged me to really take a more responsible look at what I toss in the trash. Now, I recycle, but because of her vigilance and commitment to reducing waste I have taken a hard look at what I don't recycle and how I can reduce what I use to store my food and pitch. Rather than throwing away empty jars and plastic containers I have begun washing them and using them as food storage.

I discovered this cocoa container is top rack dishwasher safe!

The iced coffee straws that I never thought about are now vexing me. I found these stainless steel straws and plan on keeping one with me for those Dunkin' Donuts days. I am buying whole heads of lettuce rather than plastic containers of pre-washed and chopped lettuce and wrapping them in dish towels. Okay, I now have to wash and tear my lettuce. The upside is my old salad spinner that I received as a shower gift is getting a new "leaf on life!" I am avoiding my tried and true Glad Wrap and moving to foil and beeswax food wrap. She has helped me to look at the sheer quantity of food bags that get indiscriminately tossed and directed me to Terracycle. From this website I have been able to explore how to recycle items our town recycling center doesn't accept. Our town's recycling facilities are paltry at best. They only accept 1 and 2 plastic! With a little research I have learned how I can recycle chip bags, toothbrushes, floss containers, toothpaste tubes, laundry soap bottles, pens and more. With a little effort I am doing my part and I encourage you to do the same.

Mack on the other hand brings a certain joie de vivre to my life lessons. He makes me laugh and see situations with a sense of humor. I recall one day recently when I had asked him to pour me a cup of coffee. Now Mack's working memory can be less than efficient, so needless to say, the coffee was nowhere to be found. I commented, "Wow, I'm amazed at how quickly things leave your head!" He turned on a dime with eyes wide open and a huge grin replying, "I KNOW, RIGHT? IT'S AMAZING!" In that clarifying moment I finally understood, he doesn't forget because he chooses to forget.

He also taught me about the no internet game. With this remarkable heat we have been experiencing our internet service has been inconsistent. I actually don't know that the heat is the cause, it's just a correlation I've made! I always wondered what that little dinosaur was for when the connection was lost. Now I know it's a game I can play while I wait for the service to come back. Who knew? I'm pleased to announce, I scored a PR of 699 points :).

I watch them walking away from us, but I know they are walking toward something. That thought helps me. That thought brings some peace.

Thoughts from the Back Porch: Feathering the Empty Nest

It has been an interesting summer. In many respects it has been wonderful, and yet I am left with a subtle, yet fully palpable sense of dread. In chatting with friends over current events in my life my dear SparklleSLP suggested I write about my experiences. I think that is a great idea, so my next few posts will focus on the impending transition to the empty nest.

This is not a transition I am eager to experience. I have treasured having my children home safe and sound. Our eldest has already left for NYC and our second will be departing in 3 weeks for the same place. While I am so excited for them to begin the journey toward adulthood and what that means in terms of our relationships, I also want them here with us. I am filled with joy and sorrow, joy for their adventures and sorrow for the door that is closing. I am truly writing this with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face; forever the proverbial push-me-pull-you of Dr. Dolittle fame.

Rather than dwell on my sadness in this seminal post, I am choosing to look at what I have learned from our children and there is much learned this summer. First and foremost I have learned to trust God's plan for our children. WOW, has that one been a challenge! My friend, Laura shared the prayer she says, "Lord help me trust YOUR will for my child." That has proven difficult, although not impossible. What I am learning is I need to relinquish my desire to control the outcomes of their lives, knowing it is all part of a perfect plan for THEM. So when Nora was sick and I went down the road to catastrophizing, I pulled back and prayed and prayed and prayed. Turns out the poor kid is allergic to wheat, dairy, AND eggs (that we know of)! She will be fine with some adjustments, thank God. When Mack made some choices we didn't agree with and I went down the road to catastrophizing, I pulled back and prayed and prayed and prayed. Turns out he needs to make his own choices and we need to trust that his choices are now his responsibility and his experiences are part of God's plan for him. We have to trust that the values we have imparted will remain.

Thank you to all the prayer warriors who prayed with me! These were hard weeks filled with anxiety I haven't felt in quite some time. I have learned that I can cope. I can be the parent of adult children. They still want me to be their Mom, but it is more about them knowing I can allow them wings to fly and a nest to return to when they need me. Thank you, dear children for making me better. I love you.