Sunday, February 7, 2016

Love Hurts

Valentine's Day is quickly approaching and thoughts turn to flowers, chocolates, jewelry and oh yes, sadness, disappointment, expectations. The Frenzied SLPs thought we would explore Valentine's Day from a different perspective; that of the SLP and how there are times "love hurts" quite literally.




If you are anything like me you take your job to heart. In fact, you view it as so much more than a job. It is a passion, a choice, so when a student or client goes for the soft white underbelly, it hurts. I have been clawed, kicked, scratched, bitten, insulted, belittled, and mocked. Ahhhh, memories! It's no wonder I go back to work!


Back in 1986 or 87 I was fresh out of graduate school and a newly ASHA certified SLP. The world was my oyster and I felt pretty good about the direction my life was heading. I was working in an inner city in a primary school, only K-2. There were 12 kindergartens in that school in addition to 7 each of first and second and four self-contained special education classes. I had over 80 students on my caseload, but I was young and idealistic.


I had one feisty little girl who was physically and verbally aggressive. One day she was in a particularly foul mood and was not having any speech therapy. I cajoled and encouraged and did my speechy thing when all of a sudden she hauled off and swung at me. I was 26 years old and fairly quick so I was able to move back. Unbeknownst to me she had wound up with another shot with the other hand and landed a closed fist punch on my jaw. That was followed up with some very colorful language. You can fill in the blanks, "_ucko a_hole!" Remember, however to substitute /th/ for /s/. This one screamed all the way to the principal's office, "Miss Polizzi's a b_____," (again, insert lisp, it makes me laugh).


At the time I was devastated. My jaw hurt, because she packed a wallop, my heart was broken and my confidence shattered. It was the first time I had been so physically and emotionally abused by a child. Sadly it wouldn't be the last time.


I learned from this experience though. I learned that for me it was over quickly. For a parent it is day in and day out and I have to remain compassionate about their lives with children who have behavior difficulties. I learned that when a child acts out it is never about me, but more likely something that happened at home or in another class or a thought or feeling that I have no control over. I learned that neurology is HUGE and sometimes these children are not making a conscious choice to be confrontational! I have learned that more often than not the trauma a child experiences happens from birth to age five, and it will impact them forever. These are the children with addiction and substance abuse issues, diabetes, heart conditions, anxiety and so much more. Their trauma makes them sick, literally. I learned I may be one of only handful of people who is kind to them on any given day.


While I can look back on this experience and chuckle and like the Rain Man, add it to my book of personal injuries, I often wonder what happened to this little girl. She would be 37 years old and may be a parent (or grandparent) herself. She may have continued the cycle or she may have healed. I pray for the latter, as I do for all my students with behavioral challenges, every night. Yes, love hurts. But it is only temporary.

How about you? When has #SLP Love Hurt? How did you deal with it? The Frenzied SLPs would love you to link up and share your experiences.




14 comments:

  1. I'd LOVE to know where some of my "more challenging" students are today.
    When I child physically hurts us, they really bring us back to earth, don't they?

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    1. What's amazing to think about is how old they could be!

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  2. We always go into our work with a new student hoping that we can help them get to a better place in life!

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  3. Oh I too would love to be a flu on the wall of some of my all grown up students now. I do wonder where they could be and hope desperately they are doing well. It's so true what you said, the behavior not about us. So if we take that out of the equation it's so much easier to understand them and feel that compassion they so desperately need and mat not get anywhere else in their lives. Thanks for sharing!

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    1. You are absolutely right, Maria. Thank you so much for the comment!

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  4. What a touching story. I often think about the parents, but you really put it in perspective.
    All Y’all Need

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    1. Thank you, Laura! I am so blessed with my own children. I cannot even begin to imagine what it is like for some parents!

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  5. you and i have been through some tough session together!

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  6. Wow, what an experience! You are such a good writer and story-teller. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thanks Jen! There have been so many and my memory is spotty, but this one is seared in my mind!

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  7. So right about the parents of these children. The hurt is temporary for us, but all consuming for them. I'm sure when you had her the next time you worked in the proper speech productions to get her foul message across without distortions!

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    1. You bet I did Sparklle! If you are going to say it, say it right, please! ;)

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